


I'm Batman

by kryptonianmenace



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 10:31:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19271437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kryptonianmenace/pseuds/kryptonianmenace
Summary: Civilian YouTuber and avid conspiracy theorist, Tim Drake posts a video with his theories on the Batman.





	I'm Batman

**Author's Note:**

> I know nothing about Hal Jordan except that I love him.

**Timmy Dork** _uploaded a new video:_ ** _“Batman’s True Identity And How I Met Bruce Wayne”_**

“Hey everybody! I’m here with a new video for you all!” Tim greeted.

He was seated in his computer chair, his bedroom wall visible behind him. The wall was covered with a collection of band posters, artwork of various tabletop games, and superhero memorabilia. Among the superhero memorabilia was various photos from the anonymous photographer known only as AD.

AD was known for being the Gotham photographer who posted near professional level photos of the Gotham vigilantes. All their photos were posted anonymously online, with enough security that, unbeknownst to many civilians, the Justice League was stumped as to their true identity.

Unbeknownst to anyone but Tim, AD stood for Alvin Draper, the fake identity he used to post his photography. All the AD photos on his wall were the originals.

“If you don’t know already that I love all things hero and vigilante, you must be new here, in which case, welcome! I’m Tim Drake, family disappointment and heir to Drake Enterprises. I post theories and embarrassing stories on the internet,” he said.

On screen, titles of past videos, namely the more embarrassing ones, floated on screen in front of his face. Waving his hand as if to dispel them, the titles vanished to once again show Tim.

“This video is a two for one, buckos, so strap in,” he continued.

An image of Batman in action, once again an AD photo, flashed on screen. “Batman, Gotham’s pride and joy. Our hero for going on two decades now, the vigilante has remained a mystery to all.”

The screen went back to Tim. “In this video, we explore some theories as to the true identity of the Bat. Please note, this video is not speculating on the identities of the other Gotham vigilantes, as I am still formulating theories. This video is solely focused on Batman.”

Tim paused briefly, as if contemplating something, before the video quickly carried on.

Yet another image of Batman flashed on screen. “Now, many people still question the existence of the Bat, citing Gotham as the source of mass hallucination. Of course, as a Gothamite, I’m biased when I say that’s bullshit. But as an avid conspiracy theorist, I need to take it into serious consideration.

“So, let’s consider it,” Tim continued, pulling out a notepad and glancing down. A look of concentration passed over his face before he looked back up at the camera.

“After much research, I’ve concluded that that’s bullshit.”

Bursting into a grin, Tim dropped the notebook. “Moving on! The first theory is that the Batman is actually Detective Harvey Bullock.”

An image of the detective next to an image of Batman flashed on screen. The two had completely different body types and looked nothing alike.

“Now, you’re probably thinking, ‘Tim, what the fuck? They look nothing alike,’ but see, that’s what he wants you to think. All that donut and beer belly physique? A lie to fool us all,” Tim exclaimed, pointing at the camera with a dramatic flare.

“Here me out,” he continued, placing his hands out in a placating gesture. “Batman is known to work with Commissioner James Gordon. And who was Commissioner Gordon’s partner when he was still a detective? None other than Harvey Bullock. Bullock has access to police information, and he uses that to go out as a vigilante at night. Why? We still don’t know. But that’s true of all my theories. However, this theory isn’t as fleshed out as my other ones, so I’m not going to try to sell you on it just yet. Maybe in a later video.”

The screen changed to hold a photo of preteen Tim in the corner. “The second theory involves thirteen year old me being an utter dumbass.”

Tim grinned sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his head. “Now, what you need to know is that before my parents divorced, we lived within walking distance of Wayne Manor, and by walking distance, I mean it was a ridiculous amount of distance to walk, but I did it anyway.”

An image of Bruce Wayne appeared in the other corner of the screen. “Somehow, thirteen year old me got it in my head that Bruce Wayne was Batman. It made sense at the time. He has the money for the gadgets and the training. He has the free time. He has the motive if you remember how his parents died.”

Both images on screen vanished so it was just Tim. He laughed lightly and glanced upward. “So, I - being thirteen and stupid - walked over to Wayne Manor, convinced Mr. Wayne to let me in to talk to him. I still don’t know why he agreed, if we’re being honest. I probably said something stupid.”

The screen switched to poorly drawn animated stick figures labelled ‘Mr. Wayne’ and ‘Me.’ The animation followed Tim’s words, with speech bubbles popping up when needed. “Anyway, I get inside, and I go ‘Mr. Wayne, I know you’re Batman,’ and he goes ‘What?’ You know, like any person accused of being Batman would do. So I persist, and I go ‘I’ve figured it out.’ Mr. Wayne goes ‘You think I’m Batman?’ This conversation is clearly going in circles, and I’m thinking up ways to get him to confess, but then his son, Jason Todd, runs in and yells ‘Think fast!’ and chucks a baseball at him, and Mr. Wayne is so distracted by me calling him Batman that he doesn’t think fast. He doesn’t even realize until it’s too late. He’s hit in the head. The butler tries to scold Jason while helping Mr. Wayne, but Jason ignores him to start grilling me about who I am, and I panic and I’m trying to tell him that his dad is Batman, because like. He should know, right? He deserves to know? Except I’m panicking because I just saw who I thought was Batman just get hit with a baseball, and my dumbass brain goes ‘I’m Batman’ and Jason starts laughing, so I just. Run. I completely hightail it out of there.”

Tim didn’t bat an eye as he lied, leaving out that he had also blurted out the identity of Nightwing to Jason, knowing for certain that the older Wayne son was the vigilante from the acrobatics. He had been surprised to see Jason, thinking he was dead from the evidence of the gruesome scene left by the Joker that he had stumbled across in his photo endeavors. Either the boy had survived, the scene had been a lie, or someone else was Robin.

“But, anyway. That’s theory two,” Tim concluded. “On to theory three.”

The screen showed a crashed plane and a question mark. “Missing pilot Hal Jordan.”

Screenshots of videos made by others flashed on screen. “Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of theories saying that Hal Jordan is the new Green Lantern, or that Batman is a retired Green Lantern, and that got me thinking: Hal Jordan is Batman.”

Tim shifted excitedly in his seat. “See, the pilot has been missing for longer than Batman’s been around, and he has military training, what with him having been in the US Air Force. His connections through Ferris Air help with the funds needed to become a vigilante. He uses grappling hooks because he’s a pilot, he’s not afraid of being in the air. And uh, hello, the batplane anyone? I know us Gothamites have seen it at least once or twice. Why did he chose Gotham? Who knows. Maybe he has amnesia. Maybe he chose us because we have the worst crime in the country. Maybe it was random. But I’m telling you, Hal Jordan is Batman,” Tim finished enthusiastically.

“Anyway, that’s all for today’s video. Let me know what you think in the comments, and don’t forget to subscribe! Later!”

* * *

 

Bruce exited out of the video and rolled his eyes.

**Outgoing Message to Hal Jordan:** _ Why did you waste my time with this? _

**Incoming Message from Hal Jordan:** _ I am darkness. I am the night. I’m Batman. _


End file.
